How To Get My Ex Back Easily

http://hubpages.com/hub/howtogetmyexback

Perhaps you have broken up but still care deeply for you ex. Therefore, you still want to get your ex back. So, how can I get an ex back easily?

Well, depending on your situation, it is hard to say whether getting your ex back will be easy or not. If both of you fell out simply because of a minor argument, perhaps it will be much easier to get your ex back. Maybe a sincere apology will be able to help you get your lover back.

However, your situation is probably not as minor as the one mentioned above. In this case, a simple apology may not help you too much. So, what should you do instead?

Well, there are a couple of things that you can do, but most importantly, you should be aware of what are the things that you should not do. This is because from my knowledge, doing those things not only does not help improve the situation, but tend to make things worse.

For example, you should not try to argue with your ex over the break up. Arguing is not going to help you get him/her back. In fact, it may just push him/her further away.

Another thing you do not want to do is to call your ex too often. Maybe he/she did not pick up the phone. So, naturally, you have the tendency to call him/her again and again until he/she picks up the phone. Don't do that.

The reason why you don't want to do the two things mentioned above is because those are all signs of desperation. You don't want to show your ex that you are desperate. By doing that, it will make it much harder to get your lover back.

When Your Manhood Get Challenged

Have you ever had your manhood challenged by a bad mannered or abusive woman?�Then read on.

Deal with her masculinity tests�Beware of generalization.

The fact that a women misbehave with you once does not mean she’s an abusive type.

Indeed there are some cases when you meet a woman and you could say she's nice in general but from time to time she seems to get a little bit cranky to say the least.

Actually, she's not misbehaving. She's actually testing your manhood.

I wrote on several occasions that as a man you have to be able to demonstrate leadership abilities on a constant basis with women. And when you slip away from your masculine core, that's when a woman will start to boss you around as a way of re-implementing polarity in your relationship.

What should you do? Simple. Retake your leadership position. Be a man. Lead the way.

She's a real nutcase In some other cases, you will encounter women who are real pain in the a... Technically we sometimes refer to those women as strong low self-esteem types.

How do you spot them?

Quite simple. You want to witness any sign that indicates that the woman thinks she's worthless.

Signs such as “I have a fat ass” or "I cannot be loved".

If those are recurrent signs, you have a low self-esteem type on your hands.

How do you deal with them?

Well if you're not very experienced with this kind of woman, and if she's a real nutcase, my top recommendation would simply be to next her. And no it is not acting as a coward to do that. I'd actually say it's a sign of wisdom because you will lose a lot of time trying to deal with her.

If she's not too much of a serious case, and if you're quite experienced, you can have fun with her.

In all cases, I strongly advise not to go into relationships with this kind of women. Why? Because if she's pathologically bad, and if you want to share your life with her, you will have surrender to the fact that she will never give you the chance of being nice to her without attempting to cut your balls when you do that.

No Mister Nice Guy

With nutcases don't do the basic mistake of being too nice to them!

If such a woman complains that she has a fat ass… agree with her!

You have to show power. Especially abusive types are not able to understand things like "Morals". Forget morals, forget supporting those kind of women.

Instead, if you want to win you got to do the only rational thing to do in this situation: play with their emotions.

Play the bad guy. Target first her mind and only after her pussy.

But play a even worse bad guy than she's being a bad woman. What's the first quality of a bad guy? To me it's unpredictability. Play a bad guy whose moves she cannot see in advance. A guy whom she will not be able to put in the box of any frame.

Reverse the game as a way of keeping them on their toes, just like they use to do with desperately nice guys. Don't take those women seriously. At no point shouldn't they be able to put you in a box or role, be it the provider, the nice guy or the bad boy.

Final advice, don't invest too much energy into her. The meaning of those women being abusive is usually to have you invest energy into them and control you.

Disinvest yourself progressively and… eventually leave at some point.

Free Online Dating - Who Pays for the Web Sites Even If Its Free

www.online-dating-service-sg.co

There are always costs associated with establishing and maintaining websites and you may have wondered how the free dating websites are supported. They may have several ways of becoming funded, some more effective than others. In order to maintain a zero cost for members, here are some of the ways that funds are accumulated to pay for the site.

Businesses sponsor sites

Free dating websites are often sponsored by businesses. In this instance, a specific product may not be noted and promoted, it is just a general sponsorship by the business. There may be a small discreet statement somewhere on the page, or the business or organization may trumpet its sponsorship through banner headlines, logos or by using other methods. Usually the business that sponsors a site will be one that has some connection or relationship to the subject of the site. For example, a dating site may be sponsored by a 'Love Boat' cruise lines.

Commercial sites with advertising

Free dating websites are sometimes paid for by the sales of advertising of products or services online. Because large and active web sites have a lot of visitors who would see the advertising and potentially would use links to purchase the advertised products, commercial sites like to advertise on one of the free dating sites. This makes commercial advertising on a free site a good deal for the business or organization. It is also a great opportunity for the members to save money on products or services linked to the free web site. There may be discounts offered because of the click through location, for example.

Business creates the site

Another way in which businesses help to pay for free dating websites is by actually creating the web site. For example, the owners of a cruise ship create a dating web site. While there is no direct advertising, the business can place information on the dating site that leads visitors and members to use the products of the company that created and funded the web site. This process is slightly different than a sponsorship in that the business has the direct control over content when they actually create the site.

Individuals in a group effort

A group of people can get together either deliberately or as a somewhat organic process and put together free dating websites. This may be a public service project, it can serve as a demonstration of how to create and maintain a great web site or it may be done just for fun because a group of people wanted to expand their dating opportunities. For example, a site could be put together by a group of senior citizens in an area to promote dating amongst themselves and to let other seniors know where to come for fun and online dating.

Lead in sites

Sometimes one of the paid sites creates the free site as a lead in site. In this instance, the paid site doesn't have to keep hounding the members to purchase an upgrade. Lead in sites can draw free dating websites members into the ranks of the paid members by placement of interesting and intriguing advertisements on the free site. Sometimes a smaller site that could be considered a niche site can serve as a lead in to one of the larger and more active sites. In this instance, neither site is a paid site and are funded through businesses or advertising sponsorship.

Online Dating Exposed For Anybody

www.cupidsonlinedating.com

Due to some pre conceived notions, online dating �has always been related to something forbidding, substandard and even tough nut to crack. But as a matter of fact it's all there in your perception of looking at it. There are some ways which can give you a hassle free dating experience.

Maintain your Individuality: There is an inherent tendency among women to portray themselves as someone whom, according to them, men find appealing. This is a wrong approach to start a personal interaction. Present yourself with your actual being, not in somebody else's get up.

Give more preference to your date: It is advisable that you give more importance to your potential partner over yourself. There are many who feel very conscious about themselves in terms of their looks, eating habits, way of talking and other related social behavior.

Be Honest - Honesty should set the foundation of every relationship. Most importantly you should be honest to yourself. You should neither lie to yourself about your passions nor to your partner. They help to define you.

This does not imply that you should completely overlook yourself. However, if you give more attention to your partner and be a good listener, then you will be able to respond and react more spontaneously and naturally. Your date will appreciate this quality.

One should also try and avoid lying to themselves. One must be sure of the kind of relationship and person they want. Unless a person is confident about his or her own requirements, he or she will never be in a satisfying relationship. One must realize that it is all right if their requirements from a relationship are different than others.

Do away with all your guilt conscience. Right or wrong is a relative concept. Besides when your personal needs are at stake, you can easily rule them out. If you are inclined towards this man, let him know right now. If you dont reveal yourself now, emotions will remain within you even after you get committed to someone else. Online dating is not mere a game of lies, it means much more.

Therefore it is always better not to put up any act to please your partner. Do not think whether it is right or wrong, because there is no right or wrong when your well being is concerned.

Being less self-conscious can help you have a good time. One can do this by concentrating on their date. Instead of blabbering away, one should listen and respond accordingly. This rule applies for dating over the Internet as well.

That certainly does not mean you are going to sacrifice your identity for the person concerned. But for a smooth conversation it is important to listen, so that you are never at loss of words.

This is because it is very essential to gauge your personal feelings and preferences so that you are able to express it properly to your potential soul mate. Online dating should be taken seriously just like any other form of dating as it has the potential to form long lasting relationships. Thus, with the help of the above-mentioned tips, you will be able to locate your ideal partner and establish a long-term relationship.

Bondage Lovers Happier Than Normal Sex Counterparts!

Melbourne: Contrary to the general assumption that people involved in bondage and discipline and sadomasochism BDSM are sexually deficient, a new sex survey has now shows that such people are not damaged or dangerous, and might even be happier than those who practise “normal” sex.

The study of 20,000 Australians by public health researchers at the University of New South Wales has revealed that two per cent of adult Australians regularly partake in sadomasochism and dominance and submission-type sexual role-play.

The findings suggest that these people do not do so in reaction to sexual abuse or because they are "sexually deficient" in some way.

"Our findings support the idea that bondage and discipline and sadomasochism (BDSM) is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority," News.com.au quoted Associate Professor Juliet Richters and her colleagues as writing in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

The researchers even said that the practice was more common among gay, lesbian and bisexual people, and that participants were more likely to have been more sexually adventurous in other ways.

"However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious," said Prof Richters, author of the book Doing It Down Under.

The findings also suggested that men who took parting in such acts might be happier, as they were found to score significantly lower on a scale of psychological distress than other men.

Though the researchers did not study why that was the case, they suspected that it might simply be that they were more in harmony with themselves because they were into something unusual and are comfortable with that.

Prof Richters said that the findings went against professional views of BDSM.

"People with these sexual interests have long been seen by medicine and the law as, at best, damaged and in need of therapy and, at worst, dangerous and in need of legal regulation," she said.

She also revealed that there was an assumption that those involved in BDSM were sexually deficient in some way, "and need particularly strong stimuli such as being beaten or tied up to become aroused".

She expressed hope that her findings would help change those stereotypes.



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Why Do Women Fall For the Tall?

Women seem to prefer taller men and several scientific studies have backed up that notion. But why? And where does it all leave women's love for the high heel?
VICTORIA BECKHAM recently had to use her husband as a crutch because of them, Gwyneth Paltrow revitalised her image wearing them, and Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw is clearly totally in love with them: we're talking ultra-high-heels here. Ladies Christian Louboutin has just announced his plans to feed the frenzy by producing the first pair of 8in heels in mainstream fashion. Ouch.

A lot of men clearly find such vampish style provocative and attractive, but it occurs to me that, if this sort of footwear makes its wearer so desirable, where does that leave all the short guys?

We girls like our men to be taller than us. A friend of mine currently scouring dating websites for Mr Right tells me she can't bear the idea of being with a man shorter than her and she rejects the profile of any man under six feet – she's 5ft 10in. But, by my calculation, that means if she wears heels any bigger than two inches she'll be getting uncomfortable with a six-footer. Even wearing Beckham's relatively diminutive five inchers would put most guys out of the running.

Several scientific studies back up the notion that women prefer taller men. But why? What's so great about tall men? Looking back over time, as our preferences were evolving, it is likely that tall men would have had an advantage in competition with others and they would have been better at bringing home the bacon.

Women may also have wanted a big, strapping mate to protect them and their children from harassment by other males.

Even today tall guys seem to have an advantage – they tend to do better in their careers, have higher status and earn more money than their more vertically challenged peers.

If you find yourself attracted to tall men, though, beware; a US study found that taller men were also more likely to get divorced and remarry, and the same research shows this translates into a higher number of children fathered by the loftier chaps. Women, on the other hand, tend to have more babies if they are slightly shorter than the average height of just under 5ft 4in for women, according to another piece of research.

Since men are likely to choose partners shorter than themselves, this could partly come down to a relative shortage of potential boyfriend material for tall women.

The effect of all this has been for the heights of men and women to be pulled in opposite directions over time, meaning that men tend to be a few inches taller than women, on average.

If we cast a glance at our primate cousins, we can see that in gorillas, for example, the males are whoppers – twice the size of females, their stature being driven by the need for males to fight fiercely for exclusive sexual access to a harem of females. In the graceful and relatively peaceful gibbons, on the other hand, males and females are exactly the same size and live in monogamous pairs.

Humans have a degree of body-size difference somewhere in between gorillas and gibbons, so you can draw your own conclusions about what our sexual proclivities should be.

So used are we to men being taller than their wives or girlfriends that we make a huge fuss when some high-profile short guy hooks up with a girl that can look down on him. We wanted to know, for example, did Tom Cruise stand on a box for his marriage portrait with Katie Holmes, who is a good two inches taller than him?

And then there's France's mini-president Nicolas Sarkozy with his willowy wife, Carla Bruni, towering over him even in her flats. No more Louboutins for her, then. Why did Carla go for such a little bloke?

Well, if guys are on the short side, they need to have something else to bring to the mating marketplace. For Sarkozy, it's power. For Cruise it's money. And Rasputin (lover of the Russian queen, according to Boney M, remember), it was his, er, manly endowment.



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One In Three Women Who Date Online Have Sex On The 1st Date!

www.articlesmooch.com

Research Study Reveal Women Love Sex As Much As Men The title statistic was determined by Dr. Paige Padgett at the University of Texas. Padgett’s 2007 study entitled “Personal Safety and Sexual Safety for Women Using Online Personal Ads” was published in a widely respected journal of the National Sexuality Research Center (Research & Social Policy Journal).

Dr. Padgett’s research involved seven hundred forty (740) women who had put dating profiles online seeking men. The result of the study: Earthshattering!! Thirty-three percent (33%) of the women daters had sex on the 1st date. Even more shocking, seventy-seven percent (77%) of them didn’t use a condom.

Virtual Intimacy Theory Padgett’s conclusion was not that these women are merely sluts. Rather she discovered that women who would otherwise be cautious may engage in unprotected sex because they are lulled into a sense of virtual intimacy.

Dr. Padgett determined that “virtual intimacy” arose as a by-product of the frequent exchanges between the women and the men they had sex with on the first date. Before meeting face-to-face, the women exchanged information through e-mail and telephone calls about their history, likes & dislikes, and even their sexual preferences.

This Padgett says created the “virtual intimacy” a sense that a relationship might or might not exist but may encourage sexual intimacy at a faster rate than what would develop through conventional methods.

So What Does This Mean For Guys? The take home message for guys: Start Online Dating Now. It’s cheaper than clubbing & bar hopping and you’ll get laid more often on a 1st date, but definitely use condoms!

Applying Common Sense To Padgett’s Study Let’s apply common sense and give women the credit they deserve. Women who date online know exactly what they want. They want to find attractive mates that meet their dating criteria. They select one or several potential mates from the endless number that constantly email them. Then they asked a series questions to determine whether this particular male meets their criteria. If so, it’s on!

If you scrutinize the data you’ll see what’s really occurring here. The women in Dr. Padgett’s study are the ones speeding up the sexual relationship. The women in her study (and all online women daters) try to gather as much info about their potential mates as possible. And they do all of this info aggregation before meeting face-to-face, by email or over the telephone.

Why? For one reason: to allow themselves to participate in naked time as soon as possible. When a woman finally convinces herself that a man meets her dating qualifications she will have sex with him. In Padgett’s study, the women had decided after reading email and having telephone conversations that they would sleep with their dates on their first meeting because the man in question had met her qualifications or at least enough of them for sex!

How To Use Padgett’s Study To sum up, women love sex as much as men. They, however, take a substantially different approach than men. And this is the most important fact that I’ve learned from my own online dating experiences, which is supported by Padgett’s work: Women must first convince themselves that you meet their dating qualifications and that you are a Quality Man.

A basic misunderstanding of this factor causes so many men to shoot themselves in the foot at this point. They choose to believe that need one or a combination of the following: (a) fame; (b) money; or (c) power to be a dating success. This is just plain false. The secret to my online dating prowess: Being successful with women online means quite simply, not disqualifying yourself. Women have all kinds of questions, yes. Women have dating criteria, yes...



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Things To Say During Sex: Good & Bad

I’m loving this graph by Comic Vs. Audience. It is a complete and well thought-out guide on what say, and what to avoid saying, in the heat of passion. May it assist in your efforts over the holiday weekend.


View the full-sized version - it’s so worth it)

And small bonus:
1. I'm bored, lets shave my pu$$y.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink??
3. That fart was great - oh please do another!!
4. Of course I swallow, I just love it!!
5. No, no that's ok. You just sit there and drink beer & watch porn. I'll do the cooking and cleaning, honey.
6. Just for a change, how about you put it in my a$$?
7. How about I get my friend from work to join us in bed???
8. Marriage? No way!!




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Online Dating - New Tool For Zoos With Rare Species

COLUMBIA, S.C (AP) — Attention, amorous guys: Killarney's an Australian cutie, but woo her with care.

The feisty gal once swatted at a beau who got a little close, and gave another poor fellow the cold shoulder during their introduction.

Undaunted, Killarney's friends keep updating her online profile in the hope of finding her Mr. Right. Like many of her contemporaries, the koala might find her dream date waiting somewhere in the files of a computerized matchmaking service, keepers at the Riverbanks Zoo theorize.

Just like the digital dating services that pair up people, so-called studbooks are used to match most animals held in captivity. The databases containing information on sex, age and weight — not so much about favorite comfort foods or long walks on the beach — are used by more than 200 zoos nationally and some internationally. They're practically taking the place of Mother Nature in the not-so wild world of captive animal breeding.

Now, new software is going to the Web, promising more easily accessible data, faster matches and — in a page out of the most particular of human dating sites — details on an animal's personality to ease what can be a testy process.

Zoos won't be required to document the turn-ons and turn-offs of each animal in Zoological Information Management Systems, a collaboration between about 150 zoos and aquariums that's a year or two away from wide distribution.

At the very least, though, the software will give zookeepers better access to species-level details currently found only in zoo husbandry manuals that now are mostly e-mailed back and forth, said Bob Wiese, director of collections for the Zoological Society of San Diego.

While there's no candlelight or Marvin Gaye being played in the back rooms of zoos, there are endless tricks used to get the animals in the mood, said Wiese, widely considered the authority on ZIMS. In China, breeding experts have claimed success putting giant pandas in the mood by showing them images of other pandas mating — panda porn, as it's been called.

"There are some frogs that you have to simulate rain for or they won't come out and breed," Wiese said. "Other frogs, they just need to hear the sound of rain and the sound of lightening and thunder. That's what sets off their hormones."

Around since the 1980s in paperback form, most of today's studbooks are in computerized databases. Basic information such as family tree, medical history, age and weight are entered by studbook keepers, then sent to a central location where the data is analyzed and converted into a "master plan" for breeding.

But the databases have their limitations. They aren't updated quickly and don't include the extra information from the dog-eared husbandry manuals on setting the optimal conditions for an animal's breeding.

So zookeepers who rely on the databases might not know, for instance, that satanic leaf-tailed geckos like group sex, that fighting equals foreplay for giant leaf-tailed geckos or that expectant gecko moms should eat snails.

That could mean the difference between a sustainable population and extinction of a species, said Ed Diebold, director of animal collections at Riverbanks Zoo, one of the only zoos to successfully breed several species of geckos.

"Big populations out in the wild breed randomly," Diebold said. "In captivity, usually these populations are considerably smaller than wild populations, which is why you can't afford to allow animals to inbreed or breed along closely related lines. That's why you have the studbooks."

Careful planning among zoos may take some of the wild out of "the wild thing" but it also ensures that the most genetically diverse animals breed, said Steve Feldman, spokesman for the Association of Zoos and Aquarium, which oversees all studbooks.

"To paraphrase an old Jeff Foxworthy joke, it's important that your family tree forks," Feldman said. "This way we can have a genetically diverse population."

The Columbia zoo is one of about 20 chosen to test the ZIMS software once it becomes available. Walt Disney World, which manages one of the largest collections of studbooks in the U.S., will be another test site.

"Studbooks are the key to our long-term breeding plans," said John Lehnhardt, animal operations director at Disney's Animal Kingdom in Orlando, Fla. "We want to ensure that these endangered species are here for the future and that's really what the studbooks are all about. What we're trying to do is maintain a savings account in species."

Disney manages about 27 studbooks, like the one for the African elephant. It also holds one of the nation's largest herds of elephants, which includes a female elephant recently sent to Disney World from Riverbanks Zoo. Keepers remain hopeful that Tumpe is a good match for the young bull that's already fathered a few calves through artificial insemination.

"She is now cohabitating with a very handsome young male," Lehnhardt said. "We have put these two together in the hopes that we'll have some success."

It's not exactly animals finding love online, but experts say matchmaking software for zoos is bringing together the single most important factor in ensuring the survival of animals — people.

"It's really about us gathering the best scientific information we can get to make the best decisions about the long-term viability of our populations," Wiese said.





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Differences In Male and Female Brains and One Basic Lesson For Dating Success

Men and women rattling are different. So assorted that they crapper nearly be titled assorted species. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating. However, there are base differences in mentality scheme and manufacture in girls vs. boys.

Both males and females move soured with a base “female brain”. Then a testosterone inflate in the 8th hebdomad burns of the “communication centers” of the mentality to nearly null patch spurring ontogeny in sections that command stimulate and aggression. As a consequence, girls are more fascinated in supply games and act patch boys poverty to savvy and separate around.


These mentality differences find a child woman more lawful of faces patch phallic babies intend inattentive easily and pore more on machinelike objects. A someone seeks to wager facial expressions and ready receptor contact. As a termination her knowledge to discern a persons tending towards her and what the tending is act (happiness/anger) comes to a woman before she crapper modify speech intelligently. Her skills at perceptive others, lettered what their mother/social surround is expressing are highly developed. Boys on the another assistance are not so socially sensitive. They don’t attending the refinement of a facial countenance or talk of vocalise the artefact a woman crapper AND also they don’t essay ethnic espousal in the aforementioned artefact that a woman would.

So it is understandable the girls embellish meliorate at module patch boys are meliorate are abstraction methodicalness and machinelike stuff. This creates a ethnic surround where women are mostly in a adjoining assemble of friends, follows the ethnic gathering of her group, is an proficient at embody module and often, verbal manipulation. For warning a teen boys haw fisticuffs to lie patch a woman would ingest module and find the mortal conceive they are existence egotistical – both effort their artefact finished assorted means.

What this every effectuation is not that apiece stimulate is programmed with a limited mentality duty and is that artefact for life, it meet effectuation these are the advantages and disadvantages that apiece stimulate brings to the table. Brain plasticity is a theory that has matured around studies that exhibit the mentality adapts to its environment, ontogeny newborn mentality connections to wager a newborn power and detractive them if its not needed. In another words, your mentality keeps dynamical throughout your life. The older belief that the mentality stayed digit artefact throughout your chronicle has been disproved.

Women activity Tetris (an older machine game) over 10 weeks hit reinforced abstraction ability. To the saucer where is a Negro is not practicing as such as the women, she crapper easily vex him at his uncolored “spatial organization” ability. Men likewise crapper amend a refinement for language, act and discernment embody language.

For flourishing dating there is digit rattling essential warning you crapper verify from this.

It is that men and women ARE different. We hit meet begun acquisition more and more most how men and women rattling are and how they crapper find meliorate lives. Now more than ever, self-improvement has embellish needed for both men and women in assorted ways. Whether the think is to acquire a combative plus at impact in discernment systems or datum your competitors, ownership in nous that everyone has assorted skills in dating and relationships because of how they wager the concern (i.e. mentality design) it is easier to be more discernment and nurturant for others. This helps you amend cards and understanding. These qualities find chronicle more enjoyable, attracts meliorate family and modify makes you more captivating to the oppositeness sex.



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Octopus Sex More Sophisticated Than Arm-wrestling

For decades, scientists have viewed octopuses as unromantic loners, with mating habits nearly devoid of complex behavior. But new research from the University of California, Berkeley, has found that at least one species of octopus engages in such sophisticated lovemaking tactics as flirting, passionate handholding and keeping rivals at arms' length.

For the UC Berkeley study, recently published in the journal Marine Biology, biologists witnessed an array of complex mating behaviors as they snorkeled two meters or less above the shallow reefs of northern Sulawesi in Indonesia. For several weeks, they tracked Octopus Abdopus aculeatus, a diurnal species of cephalopod that typically sports a spiky tan body the size of a small orange and 8-to-10-inch-long sucker-lined arms.

"This is not a unique species of octopus, which suggests others behave this way," said Roy Caldwell, a professor of integrative biology at UC Berkeley and co-author of the study.

In the wild, researchers observed macho octopuses that didn't just mate with the first female that crossed their path. Many picked out a specific sex partner and jealously guarded her den for several days, warding off rivals to the point of strangling them if they got too close. When flirting or fighting, they would signal their manliness by displaying striped body patterns.

Researchers also saw small "sneaker" males that moved in on unsuspecting conquests by masquerading as females. They did this by swimming low to the ground in feminine fashion and not displaying their "male" brown stripe. Plus, for the males, size really mattered: "If you're going to spend time guarding a female, you want to go for the biggest female you can find because she's going to produce more eggs," Caldwell said. "It's basically an investment strategy."

Caldwell said most of what we know about octopuses comes from laboratory observations of just a few species that are summarized in books such as "Cephalopod Behavior" by Roger Hanlon and John Messenger (Cambridge University Press, 1996).

Because they are such bashful sea creatures, octopuses' mating rituals have been hard to get a handle on. "They're obsessively secretive, solitary and pretty spooky," Caldwell said. "If you watch them, they watch you back. It's hard to study them."

So, when UC Berkeley graduate Christine Huffard, now a postdoctoral fellow at the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute in Moss Landing, Calif., discovered a thriving community of Abdopus aculeatus while doing her Ph.D. fieldwork in Sulawesi, she was overjoyed.

"Each day in the water, we learned something new about octopus behavior, probably like what ornithologists must have gone through after the invention of binoculars," said Huffard, the study's lead author. "We quickly realized that Abdopus aculeatus broke all the 'rules' — doing the near opposite of every hypothesis we'd formed based on aquarium studies."

There are nearly 300 species of octopus in the world, ranging from the giant octopus in the Pacific Ocean to the tiny Octopus wolfi in the tropics. Mating is literally an octopus's life's work and can take place several times a day once the animal reaches sexual maturity. It usually begins with the male octopus poking the female with his long, flexible, hectocotylus arm and then slipping it into her mantle cavity.

Once the sperm packet has been deposited, the female retires to her den and lays tens of thousands of eggs, which she weaves into strings and attaches to the roof of her underwater dwelling. She keeps the eggs clean by blowing jets of water on them and is unable to leave her den to forage for food during this time. After about a month, the eggs hatch and the weakened mother octopus dies. The father also dies within a few months of mating, leaving the newborns to fend for themselves.

"It's not the sex that leads to death, Huffard said. It's just that octopuses produce offspring once during a very short lifespan of a year. And as the research team discovered, that once-in-a-lifetime lovemaking session is much more than just arm wrestling.

"This is the first study to show a level of sophistication not previously known in the sexual behavior of an octopus," Caldwell said. "We got it wrong before, and what this tells us is that we need to do a lot more fieldwork."



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Men Prefer Love To Sex: Survey

The male prerogative ... a new survey finds men value domestic harmony over an active sex life.

Men who tell women they value relationships over sex now have the weight of numbers to back their argument.

Almost 28,000 randomly selected men, aged 20 to 75, from the United States, the United Kingdom, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Mexico and Brazil responded to a standardised telephone interview about their attitudes to life and sex.

The results, published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, showed men overwhelmingly rated attributes such as being seen as a man of honour and having the respect of your friends ahead of having success with women when assessing masculinity.

When it came to quality of life, one-third of respondents said being in good health was the most important factor, followed by a harmonious family life (26 per cent) and being in a good relationship with their partner or wife (19 per cent).

Just two per cent put a satisfying sex life as their top priority.

"Taken together, this body of research underscores the centrality to men of nonsexual aspects of the male identity (and) emphasises the importance of the couple relationship," German researcher Michael Sand said in his research.



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Police Warn of Nigerian Online Dating Scam

A Porirua woman gave $10,000 to a Nigerian scammer after she met him on an online dating site, say police.


Wellington police metro crime unit's Detective Senior Sergeant Darrin Thomson said Nigerian scammers were targeting online dating agencies to extort money from people.
The Porirua woman lost $10,000 to a scammer who told her that he was a widower, and employed by the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation in Lagos.
In one scam he emailed her a business letter showing US$200,000 ($290,740) he had deposited in a United States bank account.
He told the woman he needed a British bank account in order to release his money in the US.
The woman paid $3000 to open an account in London, transferring the funds to Nigeria, said Mr Thomson.
She was then told that the man's daughter was ill and he urgently needed money to pay for medical fees.
She then transferred more money to Nigeria.
Mr Thomson said police believe the same scammer was responsible for extorting almost $70,000 from an Auckland woman - using a similar story.
He said New Zealanders, especially those using adult dating sites, should be "very, very wary" about sending money to Nigeria and disclosing personal bank details.
"They identify lonely, vulnerable people and then request money from them with false promises of marriage, or the release of vast sums of money at a later date," he said.
Australian figures show Nigerian scammers defraud A$36 ($44.69) million a year from Australian internet users.
Queensland police contacted 139 people who sent money to Nigeria - 135 were victims of fraud.
Mr Thomson said the New Zealand situation was similar to Australia.



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7 Reasons Why It Sucks To Be a Male Porn Star

It turns out the every man's dream job is not all it's cracked up to be. A "Male Porn Star" explains at Voyeur Monkey why his job sucks.

Reason #1: You Have To Have Sex: I know it sounds kind of crazy – that’s what you’re there for – but it’s true. Think about it: Maybe you’re horny all the time (as I generally am) but that doesn’t mean you want to actually “do it” every second of the day. We guys want to fuck when we want to fuck, right? Not when it’s “time to fuck”. Say it’s two o’clock in the afternoon. There are eight people in the room – you, the director, the girl you’re “working with”, the cameraman, the lighting guy, the makeup artist and some dude you don’t even know why he’s there – and suddenly it’s time to fuck. GO! Um, okay…

Reason #2: You Can’t Get It Up: Every man’s nightmare is just an ordinary problem on a porn set. Sure, there’s Viagra and Cialis galore and you can pop ‘em by the dozen. But there are side effects to taking that medication so frequently, and the biggest one (no pun intended) is tolerance. In other words, your body actually builds up a resistance to the medication if you take it too much. So, after awhile, you can swallow handfuls of those little blue pills and they have zero effect (other than headaches and the possible loss of vision). What to do? Inject your dick (yes, with a needle) with a more intense liquid medication that works instantly – and leaves the underside of your cock filled with needle holes. God knows what else it’s doing to your body but hey, we have to get the shot, right? And what if you have an aversion to needles (or injecting some weird goop directly into your prick)? Well, there’s always someone (usually a dude) there to help. Ouch and Yuk!

Reason #3: Male Porn Stars Make Much Less Than Female Porn Stars: The usual rate of pay for a girl in the porn business can run anywhere from $800 a scene to $2,000 per scene, depending on the number of male performers she’s “accommodating”, and what the sex act actually is (like Double Penetration, threesomes, anal, creampie, etc). How much do we guys make? On average: $200!! True, sometimes we can earn as much as $500 for a scene (and more, of course, if you’re a “name” star, like Ron Jeremy or Vince Voyeur). The thinking goes: Hey, you’re getting to fuck a gorgeous porn star so be happy you’re getting paid at all. But male porn actors have bills like car payments and rent, too, so we often have “day jobs” (or, “night gigs”, like waiters and parking lot attendants). After the cumshot you feel great but when you leave the shoot and realize you can’t pay your mortgage and have to do another shoot, right away maybe that day just to keep the creditors off your back, it’s not as much fun.

Reason #4: You have To Have ‘Good Aim’: When it’s time for “the Money Shot” – the cumshot – the director almost always wants you to hit the female in the face with your jism. There’s nothing worse than shooting a hot scene and then, at the very end, with the girl on her knees, mouth wide open, waiting for your sperm, to shoot a giant load across the room barely getting a drop on her face! The director yells ‘CUT!” and sometimes they want you to do it again - and if you can’t they bring in another cock for the splooge. Talk about ego crushing.

Reason #5: You’re Not Attracted To Your On-Screen Partner: Maybe you’re not into breast implants (all that bouncing around can really hurt, especially if one of those silicone pumpkins accidentally whacks you in the head). Maybe you only like redheads, or blondes, and the girl you’re fucking is a brunette and reminds you of your sister. Maybe she’s a little too fat, or skinny, or tall, or – you get the idea. It doesn’t matter if you HATE her or the way she looks, or smells, or tastes – you have to fuck her otherwise you’ll be replaced. Okay, so perhaps you take a pass on this one – you end up getting a reputation that you’re “difficult to work with” or “too picky” and slowly the casting calls stop coming. It’s a real issue, and you have to be mentally strong (and real good at fantasizing and visualizing someone else) to overcome this common problem.

Reason #6: You’re Expected To Have Zero Hang-ups: Maybe the scene is a threesome – with another guy and one girl! Or it’s a double penetration scene where it’s guaranteed your dick will at least touch another dude. Or perhaps you just find it uncomfortable to have a cameraman lean on your shoulders while he’s trying to get that close up of her sucking your balls. Don’t like anal? Too bad. Don’t like eating pussy? Tough. Hate it when you’re expected to fling her around like Superman (against the wall, on the sink, over a couch, on a ladder…)? They don’t want to hear it. Just do it or get lost, we’ll find someone else!

Reason #7: She Hurts Your Dick: Remember, your female porn partner is also trying to give a heated, passionate performance (her career and earning potential is on the line, too). So she bites your cock, jerks it really hard and fast, sucks those balls a little too intensely, moves her hips like she’s grinding raw meat trying to turn it into a hamburger. The list goes on and on. It’s nearly impossible to tell your partner to stop doing something that hurts, or just feels uncomfortable because it probably hurts her, too. Or she might not “get it” or just not give a fuck.. And you won’t get any sympathy from the director, or anyone on the set (at least it’s your dick that’s getting crushed so shut up). Then there’s the angles. Oh the angles!! Extreme sideways, extreme bending this way and that, all so the camera can get what people are paying for: the cock going in the pussy. What feels good and “natural” in normal life often doesn’t cut it on film so you almost have to be a gymnast to get the shot, and lots of times it’s painful. Sometimes it even feels like your dick is going to break off! But you gotta keep going, and going, no matter what. No wonder so many ‘stunt cocks’ look bent and disjointed!

So as you can see, it looks like great fun while you’re watching it but porn is hard work and not always worth the effort. Did I mention the constant fear of being ‘discovered’ by your friends and family? Call that a Bonus Reason why being a male porn star sucks! At least most people don’t even look at who the cock is attached to anyway, right?



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Earthlink Lifestyles Survey Covers Online Dating

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Men Protest Against Sex Toy "Discrimination"

A pharmacy chain in Sweden has been hauled before the country's equal opportunities ombudsman after two men complained that its sex toys discriminate against males.

State-run Apoteket, had a “misguided and untrue view of sexuality whereby a woman with a dildo is seen as liberated, strong and independent, while a man with a blow-up plastic vagina is viewed as disgusting and perverted”, said one of the petitioners.

The chain introduced the lines of vibrators and other items in June, reports The Times.

But the company has hit back saying it would stock sex toys for men if there were any good ones available.

Eva Fernvall, who oversees products for Apoteket, told The Telegraph that the company believed "there are no products of good quality for men on the market".

"Should there be such products specifically for men, then there is nothing stopping us from selling them."

The claims have been rejected by the ombudsman who said: "Apoteket's goods are made available to men and women, and therefore Apoteket does not break the law regarding sex discrimination."



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Debunking A Common Dating Myth

"There are no decent single men/women available."
"I'm going to have to settle because there's no one else out there."
"All the good ones are taken."

If any of these excuses sound familiar, you shouldn't give up on your search for love. You just need to rethink your attachment to the scarcity myth that singles suffer from. How? Participate in the following fun three-week experiment. All you need is an open mind, a few spare minutes each day, and a desire to change your dating karma.


Week #1: Start by making eye contact with someone you find attractive (who you don't know) every day for a week. You can do this in the elevator in your office building, while picking out produce at the grocery store, in line for your morning latte, or in a social setting (bar, party, picnic, etc.). It's not important where you do this exercise, only that you start getting comfortable making eye contact with potential partners.

Week #2: The following week, make eye contact and smile at at least one person you find attractive every day.

Chances are good that you'll get a smile back. It doesn't have to go any further than that (don't expect him/her to ask for your digits). This is simply an exercise in getting comfortable engaging potential partners. Short on time? Suggested locations to smile and make eye contact on the go include the gym, while stuck in traffic, picking up your dry cleaning, or while grabbing a quick bite out of the office.

Week #3: During the third week of this exercise, make eye contact, smile, and make small talk with at least one person you find attractive every day. If the idea of small talk gets you tongue-tied, relax. Start simply and slowly. Remember, this doesn't have to be rocket science. You don't have to think of the wittiest conversation-starter ever. The goal is to just get the ball rolling. Potential conversation-starters can be as simple as:Hi. (Seriously, that counts!)

How's your day going?

I dig your shoes/tie/suit/dress. Where'd you get them/it?

Once you've opened up the conversation, don't look away. Maintain eye contact, smile, and wait for his/her response. If it invites additional conversation, great! If not, your job for the day is done and you can move on. If for some reason, the object of your attention is rude or dismissive, don't take it personally.


“Rejection is part of the dating process.”
Rejection is part of the dating process. Chalk it up to experience, let go, and try again tomorrow.The point of this exercise is to debunk the scarcity myth by showing yourself that there's actually an abundance of potential partners in your everyday life. They may not always be interested, they may not always be available, but by getting into the practice of noticing and acknowledging them, you're more likely to spot the ones who are interested and available when they present themselves to you.


Now, if your routine goes something like this: home, work, gym, home, then you've got to shake things up. At least once a week from now on, break with routine and put yourself in a target-rich environment. Suggested activities include:

1. Stop by the bookstore after work and browse a topic of interest while keeping your eye out for any cuties.

2. You can also recruit your pals for an after work drink at a local hotspot. In addition to hanging with your buddies, scope out the scene for potential partners.

3. Do some research for a fun singles' activity, i.e. online dating, speed dating, a networking mixer, or Sierra Club hike and go for it. Find a cause near and dear to your heart and volunteer on a Saturday or Sunday. You never know who you'll meet!


These are just some of the suggested activities you should engage in. Remember, the goal is not necessarily to score a date, but to get you out of your monotonous routine that may be keeping you from meeting potential partners. The more you put yourself in target-rich environments and get comfortable talking to strangers, the better.

Good luck and happy dating!

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How To Meet People Online

Although young, I have to admit that I have met quite a large number of people online. Most of them are friends, but a couple turned into something a little more intimate and I've been dating one of them for nearly two years now – next month we're moving in together!

Now this is not a guide for anyone who's already met people from the internet. I doubt I have anything stunningly new to point out to someone who's already a seasoned cyber-chatter, but for the beginner who's only just discovered the wonderful world of online dating for adults this should give you an idea of some of the places there are, how you can get chatting, how and when to develop the relationship and meeting up in person.

Firstly let's have a look at the various ways of meeting people.

1- The online forum.

This is a good way to start off and you've already found a website where you can start off, for example Literotica has an excellent forum where you can chat with others about writing and all things erotic.

The basic idea of a forum is a community based on a common hobby, belief or interest. Whatever you're into, there's probably a forum out there for you. This is one of the main benefits of a forum – you've already got one thing in common with everyone on there. What a great place to start.

Secondly there's the fact that it's very flexible and totally anonymous. You generally have to register with the site, but you can create an online alter-ego and there's no need for a photograph or any identifying element.

Forums work by having a series of topics (ie- on a cookery site, appetisers, starters, main courses etc) and each of these contains individual conversations or 'threads' started by one of the members (ie- 'anyone know how long to cook a whole chicken?')

Other members can then reply to this thread with their ideas and opinions and there's no time constraint on replying – no-one will get cross if you don't reply immediately.

Forums offer you a chance to talk to a huge number of people about a huge number of things with no pressure. If you want to talk more to someone then you can send them a private message.

2- The mailing list

This has a similar community feel as a forum, but instead of you going to the website to talk, the talk comes to you.

Again mailing lists are based on a common hobby etc, and different topics are divided up by having different e-mail topics.

There are various places where you can sign up for a mailing list, yahoo has one of the most popular with a huge variety of categories. Once you are signed up you will start getting e-mails from the list, for instance if the list you signed up to was called rockmusicuk then that's the sender who will appear in the list of e-mails.

If you reply to this e-mail then that will be sent out to everybody on the list, including you. If you want to start a new topic, then instead of replying to previous e-mails, you simply send a new e-mail to the list's e-mail address.

With me so far?

The downside of this is that your e-mail address will be displayed to those on the list, but if you want to retain your anonymity for the time-being, just set up a new account with a free e-mail server, like hotmail or googlemail.

3- Friendship or Adult Dating Websites

Right, now we come to the crux of the matter.

I've met people through both the other methods, but this is where the mice are divided from the men.

Many of these websites charge you a small amount in order to join, but there are several very good free ones which I'd recommend for a beginner. I've been using such sites for seven years and I still only use the free ones, so don't dismiss them as a long-term solution.

Right, now the hows, whys and wherefores.

Dating sites rely on each member creating an individual profile and then browsing other profiles to find someone they want to talk to. This has several obvious up and down –sides.

The ups first.

Obviously you've tailored your profile so it gives a much clearer picture of you and so has everyone else. This means that you're basing any friendship (or more) on a larger number of things than just the one hobby in common. There's also the distinct bonus that everyone on there is actively looking to meet new friends or lovers.

Downsides

These are fairly obvious. Your anonymity is compromised somewhat. I'll get to the specifics of creating a good profile later, but most of them will include at least one picture and that means you can be recognised. Be aware of this. Sod's law (aka Murphy's law) dictates that there's a distinct possibility someone you know will happen across your profile and then you'll be busted. Are you prepared to be outed?

Another downside – you will get messages from freaks and weirdos and foreigners wanting to marry you to get residence in your country. Delete and ignore.

Creating a Profile

Do include a photograph. You may get some messages, but seriously, with a photograph you will probably increase interest by about 10 times.

Rules for photographs.

a) think carefully about what you are looking for. If all you want is sex then a naked/erotic/underwear photograph is obviously the most appropriate. If you want a friend, include photos of you doing the things you love – dancing, skiing, whatever. If you want a partner/lover then include photos of you doing things you love, but also some showing you how you are in downtime – relaxing with a book or by the sea, cuddling a dog, whatever you think is appealing really.

b) Don't include any identifying information. Check carefully for streetnames if it's taken near your home, addressed envelopes, car registration plates, university name/logo, workplace or full name.

c) Do include more than one picture. This gives a much clearer picture of how you look. It's all very well including flattering photos, but do you really want to meet someone in person and have them go 'Ugh!'? Be honest right from the start and you won't get hurt by rejection later.

Rules for personal information.

a) If you use your real name, make sure it's first name only.

b) Be reasonably general about your location. Give the name of the nearest large town, for example, rather than the tiny place of about 2,000 inhabitants where you really live.

c) Be very specific about what you DO and DON'T want. If smoking is a no-no then say so right now. If you're only looking for friends, make it clear and if you're bisexual and only want to meet one gender, then let them know.

d) Do not lie or be vague about important stuff. This includes: children, drugs, smoking, drinking, religion, current marital status, weight and, for some, dietary requirements (such as allergies or veganism). This is not a definitive list, but use your common sense – is there something about you that you or other people feel strongly about? Mention it.

e) Most profiles include a section for some personal notes where you can write a bit about yourself that might not be included in the set questions. This is your chance to make a mark and display your sense of humour and personality. Do be original, do be funny and try to avoid any contentious statements. Here might also be the place to list any specific requirements you have, such as a man who likes cats or a girl who is educated to at least degree level.

f) Personal description: follow the above rules. Be honest. If you're a size 16 then say so – then at least only people who like bigger girls will contact you.

Sending a private message

The initial message is pretty important. Like the personal statement section, this is your chance to display your personality and make an impression. Keep it light, mention something they said which amused or interested you. Make it clear why you messaged them – did you just want to chat, are you bored, are you looking for a friend or a lover or did you want to talk dirty? Don't sound too desperate, don't be too 'wacky', it'll just freak them out if they don't know you and keep it short.

Here's an example of the kind of thing that should elicit a response...

Hey! Just saw your profile and was really interested to see that you liked Douglas Adams – that guy is a genius! Anyways, I'm just hanging around, insomnia is a killer, message me back if you want to chat. So long and thanks for all the fish Vermilion

If you follow all this then hopefully you should meet some people you have things in common with and be able to bulk out your instant messenger list a bit!

Of course, now you've met someone it's not the end; there's still a lot of work to do before you become proper friends and especially before you meet them in person, but that's a story for another day. Watch this space...


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Could Sex Save Your Life?

www.independent.co.uk
Making love doesn't just help you feel good. It also burns calories, boosts your immune system – and can even reduce the risk of cancer.

Boosting self-esteem was one of the 237 reasons people have sex, according to a study conducted last year by researchers from the University of Texas and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. This is no surprise to Julia Cole, author of How to Have Great Sex for the Rest of Your Life. She is convinced that a healthy sex life with a loving partner does wonders for the way you feel about yourself. "After a bout of sex the body releases endorphins, which are known as 'happy chemicals' because they improve mood," she says. "Purely from a physical point of view it's similar to enjoying a good workout or going swimming – but if you're having sex with someone you love it also makes you feel cared for and promotes self-esteem."

The proviso, of course, is that if your sexual experiences are unhappy ones, they will have a similarly negative impact upon your psyche. But assuming the sex is good, it is thought to improve body image, as well as reducing anxiety and the incidence of psychiatric illness, depression and suicide. A 2004 study of men from four different cultures found that sexual satisfaction was directly associated with an increased frequency in sexual intercourse, as well as being inversely related to depression.

During orgasm the body produces oxytocin, which is a hormone linked to a range of positive physical and psychological effects. Chief among these is its beneficial impact on sleep. "There's no doubt that sex is relaxing and so helps tackle insomnia," says Dr David Delvin, a GP and specialist in sexual medicine. "Lots of people use sex, whether with a partner or on their own, as a way of getting to sleep. That's down to the surge in oxytocin during arousal and orgasm, which is a natural sedative."

This view is backed up by a US study carried out in 2000, which found that 32 per cent of the 1,866 female respondents who reported masturbating in the previous three months did so to help them sleep.

One of sex's main health benefits is its positive impact on how we deal with stress. In a study published in the journal Biological Psychology, 24 women and 22 men kept records of their sexual activity. The researchers subjected them to stressful situations, such as public speaking and doing verbal arithmetic. Those who had intercourse had better responses to stressful scenarios than those who had either engaged in other sexual behaviours or abstained altogether.

According to Julia Cole, this could be down to the soothing effect another person's touch has. She says: "A great deal of research has shown that touch has a naturally calming effect on human beings, whether it's linked to sex or not. Of course, being touched by someone you care about will double the calming effect."

Apart from the obviously pleasurable sensation of being touched or stroked, it is thought to have a biochemical effect, reducing the levels of cortisol – the hormone that is secreted when you're under stress.

Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, or IgA, which can protect you from colds and other sorts of infections. Scientists at Wilkes University in the US tested IgA levels in 112 college students who reported the frequency of their sexual activity. Those students in the "frequent" group had higher levels of IgA than those who were either abstinent or had sex less than once a week.

Paula Hall, a psychosexual therapist with Relate, also thinks that the impact of sex on our general wellbeing helps to boost immunity. "All the psychological benefits have an impact on your physical health, such as your immune system," she says. "We know that when you're feeling good about yourself your body fights off illness and disease better – so the healthier we are psychologically and emotionally, the healthier we are physically."

Frequent ejaculations may reduce the risk of prostate cancer for men in later life, according to a study by Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without it, the researchers found that men who had at least five or more ejaculations weekly during their twenties reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer by a third.

"The evidence is good that men who masturbated regularly in the past are less likely to get prostate cancer," confirms Dr Delvin. "Nobody knows exactly why this is, but it does seem to be pretty cast-iron."

Research also suggests that regular sexual activity could help women to avoid breast cancer. A study conducted in 1989 examined 146 French women and found a higher risk of breast cancer in those women without sexual partner or who had sex less than once a month.

Having sex and orgasms is a key part of improving intimacy and ensuring a healthy long-term relationship – which has been linked to a longer lifespan in a number of studies. It's all down to oxytocin again. "Oxytocin, also called the 'bonding hormone', is released when women give birth, so it is part of the bonding process with their baby," says Julia Cole. "It's also released in people who are in secure or long-term relationships, as well as during sexual contact. This bonding effect is one of the reasons people continue to have a sexual relationship long after they have ceased to be fertile."

This was backed up by a study conducted by researchers from the University of Pittsburgh. They evaluated 59 premenopausal women before and after warm contact with their partners ended with hugs. The study found that the more contact the women had, the higher their oxytocin levels were.

And studies in which couples were asked to go without sex for long periods found that their general relationship declined, indicating that sex has a powerful bonding effect for couples. "There's also the slightly more indefinable feeling that you are thought to be attractive and someone your partner wants to be with and touch," adds Cole. "That's very important – often when I see couples who are in trouble they have stopped having sex, and one of them will say their partner no longer thinks of them as attractive."

Sex has been linked with a pain reduction for a wide range of conditions, including lower back pain, migraines, arthritis and premenstrual syndrome symptoms. It's all down to those hormones again. "Sex increases endorphins, the body's natural painkillers," confirms Dr Delvin. "So there is evidence that having sex eases period pain and PMS."

Oxytocin is also linked with pain relief. In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapour and then had their fingers pricked reduced their sensitivity to pain by half.

In 2001, two studies of orgasms and migraine headaches in a woman and man found that orgasm resulted in pain relief. And an earlier study of 83 women who suffered from migraines reported that orgasm resulted in pain relief for more than half of the group. Although this form of pain relief is less reliable and effective than the use of drug therapies, the effects of orgasm as an analgesic are more rapid.

Sexual activity, like other forms of exercise, burns both calories and fat. Thirty minutes of energetic sex burns 85 calories or more. Although this may not sound like much, it does add up – 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, which is enough to lose a pound. "Sex does burn calories, so it's comparable to moderate exercise like doing the housework or going swimming," says Dr Delvin. And it is, clearly, a great deal more fun.

But there is something of a chicken-and-egg element here, because people who lead more active sex lives tend to exercise more regularly and physical exercise improves sexual health. A 1990 study that followed 78 men over a nine-month period found that with consistent aerobic exercise, participants had an increase in frequency of sexual activity, improvement in performance and an increased ability to reach a "satisfying" orgasm.

One of the most extensive studies into the relationship between sex and mortality was carried out in Caerphilly, South Wales, from 1979 to 1983, with a 10-year follow-up. In the study, 918 men were given a physical examination and asked about their frequency of orgasm. After 10 years it was found that the mortality risk was 50 per cent lower among men who had frequent orgasms – which was defined as two or more per week. The study also found that, even when adjusting for age and other risk factors, frequent intercourse was associated with lower incidence of cardiovascular disease and stroke.

"There has been a great deal of research into whether people in relationships live longer," adds Paula Hall. "We know that having a strong relationship is a good indicator of longevity – and a healthy sex life is a big part of that."


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Women Stripping To Make Ends Meet

www.wflxfox29.com
WEST PALM BEACH, FL (WFLX) - The sluggish economy is forcing some women to take a job they never imagined. Tough times are apparently calling for tremendous measures.

Fox 29 spoke with a 22 year old who is taking it all off just to make ends met, and she isn't the only one.

Cheetah Gentleman's Club of West Palm Beach says they're seeing a jump in women who want to take to the pole to pay their bills.

"It's not a respectable job, and I work just to get out of here," says a 22 year old who is goes by the stage name 'Tiffany'.

Tiffany who is tall and seemingly bright, looks like someone you would sit next to at church. She's articulate and polite. She not your average stripper. In fact, she's a collage student with dreams of becoming much more.

"I'm planning to go to dental school in the next couple years," says Tiffany.

For this young woman taking it all off onstage is top secret. No one knows she's a stripper - not her friends, not her family. "I have five brothers and sisters. One who is participating in the Olympics, my brother is a firefighter, and my sister is a teacher."

It's hard to believe but, she says, she's just a student who takes it all off because she can't find employment anywhere else. "I have to live, and no one else is going to pay for it, so I need to pay for it myself."

Desperate times bring desperate measures. While Tiffany says she's nervous on the dance floor, she adds it pays off when she pockets hundreds at the end of the night.

It turns out strip clubs are being hit by the hard times, too. A year ago the ladies at Cheetah say they made more than $1,000 per night. But, now, they're lucky to walk with more than $400 in their pocket.

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Women Watch Porn To Please Men?

www.smh.com.au
Porn is everywhere you look. In magazines, on TV and bellowing out on billboards in Times Square (Jenna Jameson owns one that's three-stories high, which makes her double Ds look the size of a small plane!). Yet when a staggering survey revealed that one in three Aussie women regularly watch porn, the blokes were aghast.

"Surely this isn't so?" they wondered with glee.

"Surely women are opposed to our obsession with it, hence our need to hide our video tapes and internet download usage from them at all possible times?"

Especially considering when Kinsey wrote his famous sex report in 1953, female fans of porn were largely absent. But it seems not anymore, with an Elle/MSNBC.com poll discovering that alongside us Aussie gals, a whopping 41 per cent of women in the US have viewed or downloaded erotic films or photos ...

So what's going on? Why the sudden shift?

Some view this newfound sense of sexual freedom as a by-product of the rise of porn star as the new "it" female profession. Think Hugh Hefner's girlfriends, Kim Kardashian and Denise Richards to name just a few.

As Pamela Paul, author of Pornified: How Porn is Ruining Our Lives, Our Relationships And Our Families writes: "Popular culture promotes the wild fun and whimsy of the girl who loves pornography." She goes on to explain that thanks to pop culture, porn popular culture tells us that women who watch porn are fun, whimsy and celebrities. There's Carmen Electra on MTV, Pamela Anderson on everything and even Kate Hudson admitting she's a fan of striptease and a gym workout.

And while many might argue that by taking it all off, these ladies have lost all cred, tact and yet gained a few male fans along the way, it seems more and more brave femmes aren't scared to expand their sexual repertoire in more ways than one.

Whether it be learning to striptease, getting more risky in the bedroom or viewing a little bit of titillating material online in hope of spicing things up in the bedroom, one thing is for sure: women no longer seem to be afraid to embrace their sexual side. Add to that the staggering 900 sex shops that are currently opening their doors daily in Australia, (that's up from 500 in 2003) and it's simple to see why more and more Aussie gals are getting more satisfied each day.

The trouble of course, is that while some women don't mind a bit of male-orientated action, others are completely adverse to the types of things they see being played out which they reckon is more degrading than empowering.

The infamous "Girl with a one track mind" sex blogger concurs. She says that while erotica and porn are great for stimulation, by her reckoning women have a duty to control it. "I like porn," she told The Guardian newspaper. "But I think we need to take control of it as women, and make better porn."

In other words perhaps what we need is more foreplay, more romance, more kissing after sex and more (gasp!) story line ... now wouldn't that be porn that women would want to see ...

What do you think? Do women like/hate porn? Is it trendy? Is porn more geared towards men?

And... why do men like hookers? This week's question comes from reader Milfred. She writes ...

"What is so great about hookers? I found out that my husband was cheating on me with prostitutes. He had a massive problem and couldn't stop going to them. We had a very dizzy, romantic courting with a beautiful wedding and honeymoon. Soon after I could feel him becoming more and more distant and he would regularly go out for 'work drinks'. I trusted him completely, even though it upset me that I was not included and he would return home in the early hours of the morning.

"We have been to a councilor, who urged me to put it behind me. Leave it in the past, as he thought my husband was making all the right steps to change. Easier said than done.

"I get really frustrated and angry that it's this big shameful secret and I'm not allowed to know any details. Also he always seems to be too tired for me sexually. I feel rejected. I'm a beautiful intelligent woman and I would leave him if we didn't have children. It does my head in. The worst thing is the feeling that I don't know something that these women do.

"What am I missing? It makes me feel inferior, and his old obsession has become mine. It plagues my mind. Oh, you also need to know, that I have never rejected sex from him, I love sex and seem to have a greater sexual appetite than he. Except now I have stopped trying because I feel like I'm forcing him and he prefers hookers."

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www.news.com.au
JANETTE'S drink was spiked, then three men raped her. Sophie is in the midst of an affair and says she has never felt so sexy. Margie just reckons her husband is "an awful f...".

These stories are the underbelly of the sex lives of Australian women according to a new book, Sex Lives Of Australian Women, by Joan Sauers.

But it is no work of fiction. The stories are from an anonymous online survey of 2000 women, which revealed that Aussie women are rewriting their sex lives, throwing off taboos and experimenting wildly in the bedroom.

According the survey we've rejected the notion of monogamy, with older married women far less likely to feel guilty taking a lover than younger women. Those of us between 20 and 59 acquire an average of 13 different sex partners over the course of our sex lives.

We're masturbating more, we're sick of our partners not bothering with foreplay and we think our partners are selfish to achieve orgasm before us.

But, overwhelmingly, we're bored in the bedroom, causing many of us to stray in search of sexual thrills - which might explain why more of us are watching pornography to spice up our sex lives.

One respondent was so disappointed with the quality of porn movies available, she starred in her own.

"A lot of women described how porn is OK, but they would like it a lot better if it was made by women for women and then they would like to look at it with their partners and use it as a stimulant," Sauers said.

On the downside porn, while titillating, had added "a whole new level of anxiety, not just about the body but about performance", Sauers said.

She said that, while porn does carry risks because a small percentage of men become addicted, "to dismiss porn out of hand as an enemy of sexuality and an enemy of relationships is a mistake".

Disturbingly, the survey results showed that one in three women has experienced some sort of sexual assault, even in their relationships.

"A lot of women thought rape was unwanted sexual intercourse, but being forced to have oral sex and other sexual manhandling are all forms of sexual assault; but it is rape," Sauers said.

"They have been forced to have sex and that is shocking. There were so many sad stories and the sadness ... just dripped off the page."

The survey showed that the Australian woman was suffering from a bit of attention deficit from her partner.

One in every two women said they could take or leave sex and most wanted more intimacy and more meaningful sex.

"They want men to take more time and the really big one is, women want emotional intimacy before sex."

Take note, fellas.

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