After You Received Her First E-Mail...

What many men forget is that every woman is different. This means that every email you send needs to be different, too. If you’re corresponding with a lot of girls it can seem easier to fall into the habit of copying and pasting standard chunks of text but, believe me, personalizing your messages will be an awful lot more effective.

If your messages have become a little generic of late, give yourself some inspiration by working through the template below.

The Opening Paragraph

Always thank a woman for her email. She is just as keen to make a good impression as you are and probably spent hours composing the perfect reply. Acknowledging her efforts will make her feel instantly appreciated.

Show that you’ve read her message by commenting upon specific details. Your aim is build up a short term rapport and to have her associate you with happy times, so look for upbeat topics and cheerful details you can remark upon. If she loves her job, ask about it. If she has a hobby she’s fascinated by, show an interest. If the only positive thing she says is that she was happy to hear from you, focus upon it by telling her you’re glad you could make her smile.

Here are some examples:

“I love the immediacy of a good photograph – is there a website where I can see your pictures?”

“I’ve got to admit, I’ve never tried windsurfing, but after hearing you talk about it I’m tempted to give it a go!”

Keep Her Interested

Don’t give away too much too soon. An air of mystery will keep her intrigued and curiosity will keep her coming back for more.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t tell her anything. If she asks you questions, there’s no need to avoid answering them but do keep the details vague, and you don’t have to answer all of them. Giving her some idea of your hobbies and interests allows her to build up a clearer mental image of the man she is talking to, and this will put her at ease. However, going into great detail about how and when you developed an interest in rally biking or describing how far through your current video game you are is unlikely to hold her attention. Keep your details brief.

Here are some examples:

“Sure, I miss the warmer weather, but this city feels like home – and you can’t get a better bagel anywhere.”

“I played in a few bands when I was younger, but these days I drum just for fun.”

A Personal Touch

If you run a website, give her the link. Whether you publish serious social commentary or downright silly cartoons, letting her browse through the archives will help to build a rapport. Until now she has only known you as a potentially strange man on AFF; seeing the evidence of what’s important to you will allow her to think of you as a much more rounded individual.

However there are some provisos. If you’re a member of a social networking site like MySpace, don’t give her the details. It’s likely your page includes links to various friends and family members, so don’t run the risk of her deciding to get in touch with them. Also, avoid giving her the address of your personal blog – there are some things that she does not need to know.

Signing Off

If you want to meet this woman you’re going to have to get her phone number, and the second email is the perfect time to ask for it.

Many women are reluctant to give their personal contact details to men they meet on the internet, but unless you can establish off- line contact with her all you’re ever going to be is pen friends. Avoid putting her under overt pressure to give you her phone number. If she feels that you’re being pushy, she is likely to back away. Instead, suggest it subtly and give her a good reason to take a chance.

Here are some examples:

“I’m going to be really busy this week and might not manage to check my emails – how about I give you a ring some evening instead?”

“My brother lives in your part of town and I’m meeting him Saturday. Could I give you a call in the morning and we could maybe grab a quick drink?”

And Finally

Look at how she ended her email to you and mimic it. If she signed off with a “bye” or an “all the best”, copy her. If she included a couple of kisses, do the same. She is unlikely to realize that you’re actually imitating her, but on a subconscious level will feel more comfortable with you because of it.


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